Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
