16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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