I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
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