my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
