I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
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If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
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Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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