yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We are two peas in an std pod
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
