I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I believe in your delicious
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize