Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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