I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
