She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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