If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize