i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Little spoons don't ask big questions
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We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
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i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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