he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
