a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
