we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
