the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
