you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
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Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
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The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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