reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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