he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever