he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special