i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
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He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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