You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
