I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
im holly from the hills drunk
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
When did angry sex become our thing?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
