ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
