Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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