so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize