dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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