I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
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Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
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I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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