I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize