I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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