So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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