i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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