Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
