and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
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