How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Shame is for Republicans.
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