Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
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I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
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I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.