My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
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Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
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That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.