It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
