I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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