I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
