I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
