My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
