I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
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I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My feet surprised me
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