My nipple is on Facebook.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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