You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize