So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
