This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
