If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
