I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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