she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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