I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
