it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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