trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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